QUESTIONER: Long story short: I am getting flashes of how PM is building an army. The strongest perception of it was during the Gaia Villages introductory call, when suddenly I had this vision of armies rising with a lot of force and power.

Since then, I find evidence that tries to convince me that this story could be true.

I feel fear mainly because I have a long history of not trusting my perceptions that 'don't make sense'. And I fear I will invalidate myself again. And that my discernment has still to grow so I can read through illusions.

On the other hand, I don't know how to continue relating to PM if my conclusion is true. I do not want to be in an army without my consent. I Thank you that this is a safe place where I can ask such things.

RESPONSE: Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable with your perceptions. What I can tell you is that I am personally not interested in building an army. An army would have the purpose to fight against something or someone. I have no intention to fight against anyone. Fighting against someone would mean that I would consider them my enemy.

I try to pay very close attention to when I make anyone my enemy, because that is just my Gremlin making up stories to avoid connection, love and evolution.

What I am interested in is to build something new, a next culture, that is actually invisible to the forces that could want to attack it. Next Culture is invisible because the current armies (military, corporate, advertisement, religious, etc...) cannot even imagine that such a thing is possible.

The second purpose usually of an army is to create copy-cat soldiers, that will obey orders blindly without any form of critical thinking or emotional awareness. I hope it is obvious that I am also not interested in giving orders to anyone. I want to be with Beings with liberated potential and who are ecstatically being their potential.

What I also know or observe is that is it very usual (I would say almost inevitable) that when people meet PM and especially when they start holding space for PM distinctions/processes, there is a sense of fanaticism: "this is the right way, or people need to know about this, if they don't understand feeling I cannot talk to them, etc..." I remember when I was like this. In my experience, it takes a few months, maybe a year for people to grow enough into their own selves. Their Beings then realize that their fanaticism is just another religion and that Clarity can ultimately create more separation than evolution. I have found no way to go around this. I consider this a natural evolution of relationship with any context, including PM.

I am glad that in that regards, PM is very clear about centering and keeping your center, even (especially!) from PM. Otherwise, how can anyone discover new things or evolve the thoughtmaps in PM if they don't have their center? Sometimes, it takes that people go away from the gameworld of PM for a while to regain their center.

Something else that has helped me along the way is to distinguish between my Feelings, for example my Fear and the perceptions that emerges from my Fear. My perceptions are often stories that make sense to my relationship to the world. My perceptions can easily slip into conclusions: it is like this.

I have noticed in myself that conclusions usually take me out of relationship with the world. One way that I worked with that is that I had to live in this question: How can I take care of myself (meaning not be adaptive, or naïve, or letting myself be abused) without making a conclusion and still being in connection?

What I have found is that my Fear is my biggest ally in doing so. I keep listening to my Fear: "Hello Fear, what do you have for me?"
The first distinction that I make is: is this a Feeling or an Emotion? Maybe there is both an Emotional fear and also a Feeling of fear. I can use both, because Emotions are for healing things, and Feelings are for handling things. My Feeling of fear might tell me: "You need to ask this question," or, "Here is a proposal you can make for the Team to work better," or, "I want to try this," etc...

The second distinction that I make is: Where does my sensation stop and my story-making begin? Sometimes the mechanism seems pretty clear that my perception starts (I notice something...) then I instantly pull up a Story that matches my Box's Survival Strategy, and then I feel an Emotion as a way to prove to myself that my Story is actually true! (How can a Story be true?)

Does your Fear tell you something else to ask or propose or try?

I am glad that you opened this door. Thinking about this helped me shift from needing to trust my Stories (the meaning that I apply to my sensations as way to have some familiar ground to stand on) into relying on the intelligence of my Conscious Fear.

QUESTIONER: What is relevant for me is especially the distinction between my feelings and my perception of feelings. This type of perception, paranoia type, is something that is familiar to me and it gets activated when I move too fast for my own sanity. It is helpful to see it as a protection mechanism and not give power to the stories it produces, but to receive its message. Maybe I may need to care for myself by having a slower rhythm.

Since it is something that has occurred for me before and it gets activated when I reach a certain threshold of fear, there is the emotional fear that I need to look into with the help of an EHP.

I am glad we could share about it, what happens for me now is that I have the experience of 'normalizing' what in previous times has been judged as 'crazy'. I get to experience that paranoia has no longer the same grip and power over me since I look at it as just another survival mechanism.

My feeling of fear has nothing else for me at the moment.

Thank you for taking a clear Stand for what you are doing.